How Not to Network – Darting Eyes & WIIFM
The past few weeks I have been on the networking trail focussing on growing my business…
Many people aren’t wired like me but I love meeting people and finding out what they do, both for work and play. It is why I love working with presenters – new industries (to me) and/or new people to meet. Ok, I’m admittedly a geek.
Jobs that I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams exist today. Ways of spending leisure time are resourceful and increasingly more bizarre.
My son introduced me to a video of passengers who roadskate while the car they’re in is moving. A fine analogy for networking done badly. The rate of speed is fast, it’s like a watching an anticipated accident, and it’s all about the skater. Think of the driver when the endeavour goes south – looks like a bad contact/referral.
And here is the rant part – have you met someone who’s eyes dart around the room rather than looking at you? To those who do that, this is what I’m thinking: You think I am not useful to you and have made that assumption quickly. I think you are not the sharpest stick because you don’t know anything about me and don’t know who I know or may meet. This type of networker is in the what is in it for me (WIIFM) category.
Call me old school, this is the type of networking I enjoy: forming deeper relationships, finding out what colleagues and friends do for work and play. Then seeing if we can make a project or idea work together. Or if I can connect you with someone I know who may be interested in you and your ideas/service/product, I gladly will if I get to know and form a level of trust with you.
A heads up to those who throw their business card at me with lightening speed – the ink and paper is wasted – my shredder inhales them.
A request: I would like to hear you’re positive networking experiences – what works for you and let’s hear about some of the cool people and jobs you’ve encountered…
Tags: Bad Networking, Connecting, networking, Networking Skills, Presenter training, Presenting
Two interesting and hard working people I’ve met this past week:
Adrianne Duke who works with Make it Business – an online and paper based magazine for entrepreneurs, small businesses, and startups: http://www.makeitbusiness.com/meet-the-mib-magazine-team
Garnet Nelson from Cossette West – Garnet manages the sports sponsorship arm of Cossette West – Altius Sport Marketing where he has been fortunate to work with the 2010 Olympic Games organizers in Vancouver, BC, Canada. http://www.smartersponsorships.com
Hi Janice–
Love your writing style and incisive thoughts! What’s worked for me in networking as a part-time introvert (the rest of the time I teach and speak) is to consciously spend time in the “discomfort zone” of networking and learn to be myself there…gradually becoming more comfortable, present and engaged. I’ve decided it’s just a new approach to relationships!
Hi Maridel – It is a pleasure to meet you. I’ve just been reading your blog and like your shoe analogy in tandem to life, particularily, “What you’re looking for is often in the “wrong” aisle”. That is why I do like meeting new people – you never know where that incredible pair of John Fluevog’s may be hiding.
Hi Janice – useful stuff as always! I think Dale Carnegie got it right when he said ‘To be interesting is to be interested’. ie be genuinely interested in the people you meet, what they think and what they do. Develop the relationship and never, ever try to sell to them.
And I totally agree about the business cards! Great networkers I’ve met act like hosts and look after others.
Great article Janice,
The style of networking that I enjoy is the one that doesnt feel like networking – just conversation with a connection.
You are an expert at this style – keep it up!
-j
Hi Janice–
I wouldn’t know John if I tripped over him but like knowing someone who does!
Thanks for checking in on my blog and I look forward to connecting on Twitter and around the cyber neighborhood.
Maridel
“Shaking up a cocktail of spirit and sould with a twist of laughter.”
Thanks Jason. An FYI for everyone – Jason is a fellow school mate and a fantastic freelance writer. Both of us being word geeks who always get a good laugh at the word “expert”.
Maridel – John Fluevog is a bit of a Canadianism – he is a manufacturer of very cool and for me coveted shoes. Although he does have retail representation in the United States.
I like your comment Cordelia – act like a host and look after others – that is a perfect analogy. Cordelia is a trainer in Scotland who I have been following for about 4 months now on Twitter and her blog. She is who I go to when I am looking for presenting advice especially voice and gestures. Her site has great video clips that she creates and demonstrates what a terrific speaker she is: talkaboutspeaking.com
Hi Jsnice
Great networking experience is belonging to a linkedin group Defence Officers in Business in Brisbane. We all have a similar background, but vastly different business interests. It makes for a lively and vital group who share and use each other’s expertise.
Next f/n we’re going to an event where the CEO of one of our largest banks will be presenting.He’s a Sandhurst graduate.
Moral of story is, try to network with people who are not in the same business as you but who share common interests.
Tell you more later.
Bill
Hi Bill -
I am going to take your suggestion on. You are right, it is easy to be attracted to those who are the same but you have added a twist – the same but different!
To let everyone know, Bill has watched and guided me when I was brand new to Social Media (from Australia – I’m from Vancouver, Canada) . When I’ve run into problems he has extended and lent a hand.
Thank you Bill.
One small point about eyes…and ears…
There are people who listen with their eyes and people who listen better when their eyes are not focused on the speaker – so they can fully engage their ears! Learning styles are a very important point here. Of course, there are people who are being impolite, but there are a lot people who – if they look at you – will not “hear” you because they are being forced to engage their least effective way of learning.
Hi Phyllis – I agree. I wrote a paper last year on body language at airports- specifically when people are picking up passengers. Body language is a fascinating subject. Your point about people not looking at you while engaging in conversation is supported academically. Research shows that people often look down to absorb content of conversation. I find myself doing it. I think intuitively we know when someone is concentrating on the spoken word and looks away.
My article was specifically speaking to people who were not interested in speaking to me and their eyes were searching for a better fit. As you said. “There are people who are impolite.”
Thank you for your imput.
Hi Janice. Thanks for this insightful article. What comes into my thoughts from your words is “respect”. Everyone deserves respect. When we truly respect and honour the person we are listening to, they will feel it. That kind of attitude may or may not entail eye contact while actively listening, but when we DO look at them, we really SEE them. We don’t just line up our eyes, we look directly at them as if they were the only person who mattered to us. Something I use to make sure I’m doing that is to ask myself, “What colour is this person’s eyes?” That little question ensures that I am in the present moment and truly focused on the speaker. To me, that’s respecting them.
Powerful words Heather, “What colour is this person’s eyes?” Think of the times we have had intense conversations with someone and I know for myself, if I asked what colour their eyes are/were, I’m not always sure that I would always know.
Thank you for the nudge to be more present!